Monday, March 2, 2015

Because Even the Quiet Changes with Time...

We bought one of those fancy baby monitors that sounds an alarm if movement goes undetected for an extended period of time. We even managed to make it work in the moses basket, because of course I am not letting this baby sleep in her crib yet. That is a whole room away… No, she sleeps beside our bed, where I can hear her while she sleeps. When I drift off, I sleep better knowing that I will hear that alarm sound if anything, God forbid, goes very wrong in the night.

The new-mommy me has learned a lot about listening- even while I sleep.

I listen for sounds from baby girl -sweet coos, hungry cries, painful whimpers… I listen for it all. I listen  to the doctor's orders. I listen to advice from mommy friends who often tell me more than any specialist or book ever could. I listen to my mom, probably more now than I ever have in my life.

But in those quiet, middle-of-the-night moments when it's just me and baby girl, or those precious periods of rest, I listen with all my heart and soul for a breath of heaven, leading me on through all this newness of mommy life.

Christians are notorious for referring to our "quiet time." It means different things to different people, I suppose, but I think it really has become a catch phrase for one's time spend alone in the Word, studying and meditating. I have struggled with the whole notion of a "quiet time" since I have had a newborn in the house.

I have struggled with the time, and I have certainly struggled with the quiet.

But I am gradually beginning to learn something about these so-called "quiet times." My own quiet time looks completely different these days. So different, in fact, that I thought I was failing here. I thought I was abandoning my time with my savior.

But then I realized something… those verses on the refrigerator or scribbled on a notepad have helped me read the Word in a completely new, altogether dependent way. Those sleepy hours of whispered prayers for comfort or direction or peace from this new-mom anxiety have been pleas from the depth of my soul. And all that listening? Well, all that listening comes from some of the most precious moments of quiet I have ever experienced.

It's true - even the quiet has changed for me. Even the silence is different. But it is this silence - this quiet- that is changing me the most. 

Of course, I don't mean to discredit those free hours of Bible study. Uninterrupted time spend in the Word was a sweet thing for me, and at times I have longed for the privilege of a typical "quiet time" again. But I am learning that you grow differently at different stages of life, and this kind of quiet, allotted sparingly to me now, is my saving grace.

After all, God can redeem even the smallest of moments for His glory and our gain.

So I continue listening for anything that may awaken my heart to a crucial moment - be it an alarm or a whisper in the night. I will listen, and I will let any sweet sound carry me now, until the quiet changes - and changes me - once again.

"Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me…" ~John 11:41-42